DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two years, together for five. He’s a wonderful man I love dearly. I always felt called to be a mother, and he has expressed the same about being a father. He would be an incredible father, and I’d love nothing more than to raise children with him.

The conflict is that, over the past year or so, I have learned much more about pregnancy and childbirth and what they can put the mother through emotionally and physically. A number of my friends who have given birth recently had serious complications.

Abby, after learning all this information, I’m terrified of being pregnant. So many things can go wrong, and I have a chronic illness that likely will be exacerbated by pregnancy. I also question the ethics of bringing a child into this world, knowing how horrible a place it is, and there are so many children who need a home already, but that’s minor compared to my fear of health issues.

My husband does not want to adopt our first child unless we are unable to conceive or I am unable to carry the child, but he’s open to adopting after we’ve tried for one of our own. Adoption or surrogacy isn’t financially feasible for us anyway.

I don’t know how to tell him I don’t want to carry a child – ever. We are a little older, so my biological clock is ticking. How can I get over my terror to give us something we both deeply want? – TERRIFIED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TERRIFIED: I discussed your letter with Beverly Hills OB/GYN Michele Milovina. The first words out of her mouth were, “That’s a very common question,” if it makes you feel any better.

Dr. Milovina went on to say that if someone (like yourself) is afraid because of a preexisting health condition, it’s time to schedule a preconception visit with their OB/GYN or with a perinatologist. A perinatologist is a physician who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. You can then get real percentages and numbers and make an informed decision.

If you are still fearful, a reproductive psychiatrist (yes, there is such a specialty) may help to quell your fears. You can include your husband in these visits because this is a decision that should be made together with him.