DEAR ABBY: I am very close to my oldest sister’s three sons, especially “Lucas,” who is 38. He and I have communicated often and have seen each other (we live in different states) over the years. In a way, I have been his confidant. He knows I love him like a son.

Lucas is a professional in a big city and earns excellent money. He’s well-liked and enjoys going out with friends. We haven’t seen each other in a year and a half, and our phone/text communications have dwindled to nothing. When I spoke with him briefly a month ago, he was visiting my sister. He shared that he was having a “hard time” and said he would call. I have reached out, but he has not responded.

A month ago, his brother’s wife confided to me that Lucas has lost a lot of weight and has been struggling with a meth addiction. I was shocked and contacted his brother to confirm that this was true. I almost hopped on a plane to see Lucas, but it’s clear that he’s avoiding me.

My family typically handles things with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” strategy. I’m very much up front (I’m a licensed mediator). I also have learned much about addiction, and I’m very concerned about Lucas. I have been having stress dreams about this. I am also struggling with letting my sister know, but I’ve been waiting to speak with Lucas. I’d really appreciate any advice you have. – WORRIED AUNT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: It is possible that your sister already knows about her son’s addiction, particularly if it has wrought physical changes. However, if she doesn’t know, I do not think you should be the bearer of this news. This is something Lucas must do on his own.

I also think it would be a mistake to force an in-person encounter with your nephew. If you would like to reach out to him and remind him how much you love him and tell him you know what is going on, I see no harm in that.

If, in the course of your profession, you have information that could benefit Lucas, by all means offer it. But freeing himself from his addiction is something he is going to have to do on his own, when he’s ready.