BOOK REVIEW

“The Cranky Mom Fix: Get a Happier, More Peaceful Home by Slaying the ‘Momster’ in All of Us” by Becky Kopitzke. Minneapolis: Bethany House Publishers, 2019. 248 pages, $14.99 (paperback).

When you become a mom, one of the first things you learn is how quickly other people start to judge your choices.

Actually, scratch that.

When you become pregnant, you start to learn how quickly other people judge you (“You’re not going to breastfeed?” “How could you even think about buying that for your baby?” etc.) and how hurtful it can be. Once you have the child, you also learn the numerous things that are expected of you to be the perfect mom, and how easy it is to fail. Daily.

Few moms like to admit this, and I cringe even thinking about typing the fact that I too fail often as a mom. As a working mom, with goals and ambition and a love for reading, I get cranky. That leads to more mom-fail moments or, as this book describes it, moments when the Momster wins out. So when this book showed up at my door, even though I had a stack of other books to read and review already lined up, I dug in. I read the whole thing in one sitting. It resonated with me. I also have two requests from other moms who want to borrow it.

Now, the description of the book is much more generalized than perhaps it leads into – the book is completely based on using scripture from the Bible. I am not religious, so most of these sections I glanced over (the end of every chapter is scripture sections to read based on what she says, and how to use them). Each chapter also references the Bible. If that is not your kind of thing, I just want you to be aware of it. The book was, however, full of great information in general, and I enjoyed it.

Becky Kopitzke is very open on her mom-fail moments. From shouting things she shouldn’t, to getting cranky and snarling at her kids, to throwing her hands up and giving in, she shares them all with us. She also has stories from other moms who share their own moments of utter frustration and Momster-like attitudes. It was so refreshing. Too often on social media we simply paint the best picture of our lives, and make ourselves look perfect. We all know it isn’t true, yet we lap it up anyway. It was a beautiful thing to read about other moms failing as I did and do.

It is also preventable, and one does not have to be a cranky mom. This book discusses identifying the triggers to your angry responses, understanding your children better so you can help them, finding different, gentle but effective responses when needed and many other tips. It was all things that one could use no matter what religion (or not) that you have. Kopitzke includes fun links back to her blog for worksheets, questions and activity ideas for the kids.

At one point there was a list of questions to ask your children, so I called my son over and went through the list (he really enjoyed answering them, and wanted more. He’s 5). There were questions like “How do I act when I’m angry?” and “Do you know that I love you, even when I’m grouchy?” My son’s answers overall were reassuring and showed that he knows he is not supposed to pull on the dog’s leg to get her to do what he wants (something he gets fussed at for a lot). It reminded me that even though we have talks now that he is old enough to know about right vs. wrong, for some of the smaller stuff, we simply keep fussing at him for it instead of trying to get down to the nitty-gritty of why he keeps doing it.

That was one of the trends in this book. At one point, a specific story is told about Kopitzke’s daughter getting out of bed during nap time, and it turned out on the third try when Kopitzke was simply done dealing with her, she realized that her daughter just wanted her to hold her – and after she picked her up, she was asleep in a couple of minutes. They may be our kids, but we often forget to try and figure out why they are acting a certain way – and we may not care in our cranky mom moment – we may just want them to listen to us already!

We set rules and boundaries, but we forget that kids are kids, and sometimes they have a reason for what they do – or they are figuring out what works and what does not. It’s OK, for us as parents and moms, to bend the rules occasionally and do something we say no to most of the time. A perfect example of this was the mom who occasionally decides to have ice cream and popcorn for dinner while the family watches a movie together. Nothing to prepare, wholesome fun, and a night to remember. How great are those family memories? And the kids will remember getting to do something they normally could not. At the end of this book, there is even a great list of traditions to try out and figure out what to do for your own family.

I do not usually do nonfiction help/encouragement type books. However, in the past month, I have read four of them. While I may not use the scripture quoted in this book to help my parenting, I will be using the general logic of it. I am going to have more talks with my kid, keep up our traditions and add in a few more, and remember to wonder why he is acting like a little Godzilla occasionally, instead of crankily barking out orders that must be obeyed immediately (although, I am sure I will do that, too). I hope this book can help some of you cut out a little bit of your Momster, too.

Kopitzke is the author of three books. On her devotional blog, beckykopitzke. com, she offers weekly postings containing encouragement for all imperfect women. Becky lives with her husband and their two daughters in northeast Wisconsin. Becky is also involved at her church.

– Reviewed by Fallon Willoughby, first-year experience instructor, Southcentral Kentucky Community & Technical College.