Let me share some newspaper headlines I found:

•“Kids make nutritious snacks”

•“Miner refuses to work after death”

•“Local high school dropouts cut in half”

•“Juvenile court to try shooting defendant”

•“For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers”

•“Snake for sale: Eats anything and is fond of small children”

I love this story about a reporter who interviewed a 104-year-old woman. The reporter asked: “What do you think is the best thing about being 104?” She replied: “No peer pressure.”

We are always communicating. With our words, we are either building someone up or we are tearing them down. Even when we are saying nothing, we are communicating.

One thing we need to communicate to our spouse is words of encouragement. In fact, giving encouragement to our spouse could perhaps be one of the best gifts we could give them.

If month after month, year after year, our words are abrasive and negative, it can erode even the healthiest marriage. We know the impact of negative words on relationships. It’s not enough to just avoid saying hurtful and negative things to our spouse. We need to feed our spouse a daily portion of encouragement.

Celeste Holm wrote: “We live by encouragement and die without it – slowly, sadly, angrily.” We, as humans, cannot help but to be impacted by the words of others.

To be effective in affirming your spouse, you need to have an understanding of what energizes him or her. It’s more than just tossing a compliment at them. It’s about discovering what he or she values. It’s not only about what they do that we affirm, but it’s also who they are.

The most meaningful affirmations come from a sincere heart that observes what really matters to your mate. These words of encouragement can be in the form of the spoken word, but also in written form. For example, a thoughtful card or little handwritten notes left strategically for your spouse to find can also speak volumes.

Another thing that speaks volumes to most spouses is encouraging and edifying them in public, to their peers, not just doing these things in private. Now, to those who have a tendency of brushing off compliments – don’t. This never feels good to the one giving the compliment and can discourage them from communicating affirmations. Simply say “thank you.”

Sometimes it can be difficult to accept compliments, for various reasons, but it’s still worth the effort. Mark Twain once said, “I could live two months off of one compliment.” We all need affirmation.

Today would be a good day to start the habit of offering daily encouragement to your spouse. In fact, this would be a good assignment to get you started: Write a love letter to your spouse, then give it to him/her at dinner or sometime when you are on a date.

And here is a final thought – once you get the ball rolling with words of encouragement for your spouse, broaden your horizons. Offer words of encouragement to your kids, your neighbors, your co-workers, even the lady at the McDonald’s drive-through or the kid working at Minit Mart. You never know how your words could be just the thing to help someone make it through their day or brighten their day. It can have a tendency of snowballing in a positive direction if we all decide to speak up.

— Dr. Rick Roepke is a certified cognitive behavioral therapist and a certified Christian marriage and family therapist with Christian Family Institute.