‘Saw V,’ ‘Musical 3’ both dead on arrival

Published 12:00 am Thursday, October 30, 2008

One film is a G-rated Disney musical, while the other is a hard-core R-rated horror flick – yet the two new films “High School Musical 3: Senior Year” and “Saw V” have a lot more in common than you might think.

Both films have a built-in loyal fan base that helped the two films explode at the box office last weekend (HSM3 made $42 million, while Saw tallied $30 million), both films manage to make the most of limited budgets to maximize potential profits, and, most importantly, both films are cinematic train wrecks that set the genre it represents back at least 20 years.

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“Saw V” is the latest installment in the popular franchise that began with Cary Elwes and Danny Glover and has slowly deteriorated to a cast that makes “Dancing With the Stars” seem A-list.

This chapter picks up with detective Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) taking over the legacy of the late serial killer Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), putting five unsuspecting victims through a series of traps designed to test their character and morality.

But Hoffman’s plan is hampered by FBI agent Strahm (Scott Patterson), who is intent on proving that Hoffman was Jigsaw’s accomplice throughout his killing spree.

I will say this for “Saw V,” this film is less concerned with gore and more concerned with story than any of its predecessors.

Unfortunately, the story is just a series of convoluted flashbacks designed to rework the happenings of the previous four films.

I found most of it to be more confusing than enlightening, with plot strings now tied together in knots so tight that a Boy Scout couldn’t figure out how to loosen them.

Sadly, this is far from the being the final film in the series. The final scene suggests there will be another installment, confirmed by the fact that the music channel VH-1 is currently showing a reality series where the winner gets a role in “Saw VI.”

This all but assures 2009 will continue the saga, a prospect that is scarier than anything the filmmakers of the “Saw” series could ever imagine.

Speaking of scary, “High School Musical 3” (D+) could very well be the most frightening film of the Halloween season – with its squeaky clean cast belting out disposable pop numbers that make the songs in “Barney” seem like gangster rap.

“HSM 3” picks up the saga of a group of high school students at the fictional East High School in New Mexico. Those familiar with the first two films that went straight to cable will recognize the cast, now in their senior year at East.

They include star basketball player Troy Bolton (Zac Efron), his best friend Chad (Corbin Bleu), and his long-time girl friend Gabriella (Vanessa Hudgens).

I’m generally a sucker for musicals, but this film is full of numbers that even the creators of “Grease 2” would consider cheesy.

But the music isn’t the only thing humorous about “HSM 3.” There are a lot of laughs that stem from the film’s conflicts.

After all, there is no teenage crisis bigger than having to decide between a basketball scholarship or a chance to go to Juilliard, and nothing says pressure like having to leave home to attend Stanford or Yale.

It’s as if these characters came from another planet – arriving on a spaceship disguised as one of the cleanest and friendliest schools in existence (the school’s roof features landscaping that rivals any park in the United States, while a postgame basketball party’s big refreshment doesn’t come from a keg but from a popcorn popper randomly placed in the backyard).

Most of the cast feels like they need to go back to TV land, with the exception of Ashley Tisdale – who oozes charm as the film’s Paris Hilton-like antagonist. She is the only one who seems to get it – not taking the material too seriously.

Tisdale is the only actor who makes “HSM 3” seem worthwhile. Everyone else should be banished elsewhere – perhaps to “Saw VI.” Just imagine the possibilities – Troy, Chad and Gabriella stuck in Jigsaw’s latest “game,” desperately trying to survive.

Now that’s a movie that might be worth seeing.

— Sportswriter/movie reviewer Micheal Compton will be out of the office for the weekend, celebrating his annual Halloween tradition of stealing only the best candies from only the weakest children. Once he’s back, you can contact him by e-mailing mcompton@bgdailynews.com.