It was a warm Friday evening and patio dining sounded inviting. Since I wanted to give the last non-reviewed restaurant on the north end of town a try, I combined the two ideas and went to eat on the patio at the Puerto Vallarta off Louisville Road.

Honestly, it seems as if a bunch of restaurateurs got together and just threw a grouping of restaurants on the north end of town, without any regard for the customers who would be eating there. This Puerto was no better than Chinese or other Mexican restaurants I reviewed a few weeks ago.

The patio was a mess. That is, what there was of it. It consisted of one light fixture in the middle of a slab of plain concrete with about five round picnic tables. These tables were dirty with food and had no more of a finish to them than you would find at a campsite. Chairs were sporadic, and there were no condiments, candles or flowers on the tables.

The place was busy, noisy to a fault on the inside and, even though there was only one other table of customers on the patio, there was a party atmosphere on the outside. This “people” noise would have been fine, except when coupled with the intense mechanical sounds from the air dryer at the car wash next door, it was almost impossible to talk to my friends at the table – or for the waiter to hear our order.

The salsa and chips arrived first and I added an order of guacamole and queso for dipping. The mild salsa was literally tomatoes and water, and the hot salsa was so hot that only one person at the table was able to enjoy it. The guacamole was also completely watered down and tasteless. The queso would have been acceptable, (after all it’s just melted cheese with a few spices), but someone went heavy on the spices and it too was too hot for most of us at the table.

The only saving grace was the Mexican Tecate beer I ordered that cooled my palate after every bite. Perhaps that’s by design, so I just should have gone with the flow.

The waiter understood the beer part of the order, but not much else. He spoke very little English and by dessert, this became very much a problem.

Fortunately, the menu had an extensive description of Mexican plates so we were able to maneuver through ordering some Mexican meals I’d never had or hadn’t had in a long time.

My daughter’s meal was the most favorable. Chicken fajitas. If you’re going to go to Puerto’s to the north I recommend you order this and a margarita and nothing else.

They claim to have the best margaritas in town and the fajitas were fresh, flavorful, steaming hot and plentiful.

I ordered a chimichanga nostalgically, because I remembered when they first hit the California Mexican restaurants in the mid-’80s. Back then the chimis were as wide as a fist, because it was an oversized flour tortilla literally stuffed with meat, cheese, olives, tomatoes, sour cream, avocado and any thing else you asked for that they could fit. It was then deep fried to a golden brown with a drizzle of cheese and chile sauce on top for good measure. Fattening? Yes. Which is why I haven’t had one in about five years. Delicious? Mui! And worth every calorie. The chimichanga I was served at Puerto’s, however, was thin, barely crispy, sparse in chicken and other condiments and bland.

Fun and crazy as he is (in the best possible way), my dining companion ordered the pollo loco, which, when translated, means crazy chicken. The three chicken breasts were pounded paper-thin. They were close to deep red in color, so he expected them to be deeply steeped in marinated flavor, but even though they were tender, they lacked any distinguishable taste.

When it came time for dessert, I wanted to try the flan and the rest of the table was in agreement about ice cream in a fried flour tortilla sprinkled with cinnamon. We just didn’t know if this dish we had before was the sopapilla with ice cream or the fried ice cream. We asked our waiter and with words few and far between we ended up with the wrong dessert – but couldn’t convey that fact, either, so we gave up.

In conclusion, I can’t recommend the Puerto Vallarta north of town on Riverplace Avenue, unless you have enough time to be patient, don’t mind a lot of noise both inside and out, order fajitas only and drink up as you go.

— New restaurants are given an six-week grace period. Comments can be sent to Managing Editor Mike Alexieff by telephone at 783-3235 or by e-mail at malexieff@bgdailynews.com.

Puerto Vallarta Mexican Restaurant

140 Riverplace Ave.

Suite A

Bowling Green, KY 42101

783-0433

Cuisine: Mexican

Price range for dinner: $6.50 to $14.50

Libation situation: Full bar

Smoking: Yes