Compton’s top 10 worst movies of 2005
Published 12:00 am Thursday, January 5, 2006
- www.celebritywonder.comJohnny Knoxville (from left), Jessica Simpson and Sean William Scott appear in a scene from “Dukes of Hazzard,” one of the worst movies of the year.
2005 wasn’t a bad year for movies, but there were plenty of bad films.
Most of these films had one thing in common – they were a sequel or an adaptation of a television series. Half of my list of the 10 worst of the year fits those criteria, proving familiarity doesn’t ensure quality.
Here are my selections for the worst in 2005:
- 1. Aeon Flux – Paramount tried to slip this sci-fi load of crap under the radar in early December, but the stench was so strong it couldn’t help but get noticed.
“Aeon Flux” was baffling (and not just because it featured Oscar-winning actresses Charlize Theron and Frances McDormand) and proved style can’t cover up a film with absolutely no substance.
- 2. Dukes of Hazzard – In any other year, this film would have had no problem taking home the award for worst movie. I’m pretty sure I killed off a few brain cells just having to suffer through “Dukes.” You know a film is in trouble when Jessica Simpson gives its best performance.
- 3. Man of the House – Tommy Lee Jones played a Texas Ranger assigned to a group of cheerleaders who are eyewitnesses to a murder. The movie did have a high “babe factor” going for it, but eye-candy can only take you so far.
- 4. Saw II – There were plenty of bad horror films in 2005, but this sequel takes top prize – thanks to an ending that provided more laughs than thrills.
- 5. Rebound – Martin Lawrence is funny, but this “Bad News Bears” wannabe gave the comic zero chance to prove it. Sadly, Lawrence’s next film is “Big Momma’s House 2” – a potential front runner for this list in 2006.
- 6. King’s Ransom – This “Ruthless People” rip-off took some talented people and threw them into a screenplay that seemed like it was written in crayon.
Not even personal fave Charlie Murphy could keep this from being a comic mess that makes most UPN sitcoms look like “Animal House” or “Caddyshack.”
- 7. Sahara – Back in April when I blasted this movie, I had a colleague inform me it was based on a very entertaining series of novels from Clive Cussler. That may be the case, but “Sahara” – an Indiana Jones rip-off starring Matthew McConaughey – did nothing to make me remotely interested in those novels.
- 8. The Honeymooners – This lame attempt at the classic sitcom is no where near as bad as it could have been, but Cedric the Entertainer proves he is no Jackie Gleason. I still can’t decide what was more shocking – the fact that this actually got green-lighted by a major studio or the fact Roger Ebert actually gave this a better review than “The Wedding Crashers.”
- 9. The Man – See Samuel L. Jackson. See Eugene Levy. See Jackson and Levy in another buddy comedy with about as many laughs as Al Gore doing stand-up.
- 10. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo – OK, I’ll admit every time the word “man-whore” was used in the film I laughed, so this probably shouldn’t be on the list. But I really couldn’t think of any other way to use “man-whore” in a story again – allowing Deuce to beat out “Because of Winn Dixie” and “The Pacifier” for the final spot on this list.
– Next week movie reviewer/sportswriter Micheal Compton will unveil his list of the 10 best films of 2005, but if you are nice, you can e-mail him at mcompton@bgdailynews.com and maybe he will give you a preview. He’ll tell you one thing, “The House of Wax” and “The Fantastic Four” didn’t make the list.