Arr! Avast, me hearties! I be a’pillagin’ yer biscuits!

Listen up, swabbies: Sept. 19 was International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and I done me part fer the cause.

OK, it’s a little hard to carry off in print. You can’t even see my cool eyepatch or stuffed parrot. I’ve only found one tricorn hat for sale, and it was in this absurdly pretentious catalog. Eighty bucks for a hat!

Sorry, but that’s beyond the range of my culverins. I settled for eating seafood.

I sailed my big boat of a car (sorry, I know I’m reaching for nautical references here) into Captain D’s at 6 p.m.

When I reached the microphone, there were two vehicles in front of me. It took six and a half minutes to get through the drive-through, so I had plenty of time to listen to Bonnie Raitt on the outdoor speaker.

That’s not exactly high speed, but then fish and crustaceans aren’t burgers, except maybe in Ronald McDonald’s darkest dreams.

I’m glad they took their time. The deluxe seafood platter contains six items: coleslaw, fries, hush puppies, fish, shrimp and stuffed crab.

A lot of restaurant coleslaw is limp from age and too runny for my taste, but not at Captain D’s – it was nice and crisp, and stayed within its Styrofoam compartment.

Similarly, the potatoes at many fish places often taste like the main menu item. But no fishy fries here: Captain D’s french fries were surprisingly crisp and fresh.

The rest of the meal was hot and appeared to be freshly prepared too. And, unusually for mass-produced fishy fare, everything tasted different – like it should, not like the same batch of batter.

The two fish filets were white and flaky, not oily. My five shrimp were plump, not fried husks. The stuffed crab was flavorful, hush puppies were moist. I can see how that variety would take some time to prepare, even though most of it is fried.

This Captain D’s drive-through used to be bounded by a curb that curved around the back of the building in such a short arc that long vehicles couldn’t make the turn. I recall having to back out of the lane in a big, old car and walk up to the window. But now they’ve reversed the flow into a gentler curve around the front door, making it easier for oversize drivers (and our cars).

Many drive-throughs now have a “preview” menu of popular combos posted well before the microphone; I hate sounding like an idiot by hemming and hawing at the mic, then just getting something simple. Unfortunately, Captain D’s menu, which is pretty big for fast food, is planted well behind the speaker box, and so can’t be easily read until you’ve already been asked for your order.

But the speaker is clear and loud, and I cannot fault the service. “Andrea” took my order quickly and accurately, thanked me, and asked in detail if I wanted anything else. After confirming my order, she gave me the total of $8.47.

I asked for a deluxe seafood combo and regular-size unsweetened tea. I’ve always liked Captain D’s tea; it’s flavorful and rarely watered down, and this was up to the usual standard.

It was a slow circle around the building, but once at the window I was quickly presented with the cup and bag.

All in all, what stands out from this visit is employees’ politeness. Everything came with a smile and thanks, and I was quizzed as to whether I wanted Sweet & Low with my tea and sauces with my seafood.

I asked for some tartar sauce, and found at home that I’d gotten two packets, plus an unasked-for but welcome cocktail sauce for the shrimp.

– New restaurants will be given at least an eight-week grace period. Send comments to Managing Editor Mike Alexieff at 783-3235.

Captain D’s

626 U.S. 31-W

By-Pass

Hours: 10:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. Sun.-Thur.; 10:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. Fri.-Sat.

Speed: Slow boat to China

Accuracy: On target

Courtesy: Luxury liner

Presentation: Shipshape

Food quality: Pearlescent